It's Been Rough, Not HOC

Now I can predict what you may be thinking; what?! Conversations not about turf, how? But bear with me. This all ties into turf, as most of anything I do does.

This is something I keep rewriting and have wanted to post for a minute and somehow the time is right. This is not to get any sort of attention or reaction, merely to get the message out there. We all go through challenging times, but they are not often seen.

This semester was ROUGH to say the least and it all started before it even began. (Get your favorite snack ready the story is about to begin.) The week prior to the Rocket Mortgage Classic tournament I was due to volunteer for I had your typical mow and go shift at the course I was interning at when I just panicked. These panic attacks are not foreign, so I went about the shift until afterwards when I lost it and just bawled my eyes out. The emotions were uncontrollable because seeing my internship end was so heartbreaking.

I could not see myself leaving, thinking I should take the semester off just to extend my time on the course. The conclusion I came to was I would be happier transferring instead. The whole point was to “be with the turfies.” Graduating a year early was already attempted, but after 20 credits last spring, no food or sleep, just energy drinks, I was not going to do that to myself again.

Happiness comes in the largest doses when volunteering, attending conferences/lectures, and just talking with fellow industry professionals.

So here starts the second year of my undergraduate career with the sport I love and a seat in organic chemistry I. Duh Da DAAAAA

Four days a week and two assignments daily (just for the lecture), busy is a subtle way to put it. With daily practice all I did was class, practice, homework, and little sleep. This was being done, but without the success needed in OChem 1. I dropped down to the minimum number of credits to be taken and worked shifts at 7am every day before class so I would have the rest of the day for golf and studying, but this did not work. I could only think of one other way I could dedicate more time to my studies and get the help I needed, but that meant making the hardest decision I have ever made in my life.

Quitting the golf team was far from easy, lots of tears, hard talks, and self-doubt went into this. Golf is one of my passions! No one can put their passions on hold without a broken heart. But what would I have in five years; an education in something I love and work toward graduate degrees in my top choice labs, or a student-athlete shash worn at graduation? Golf will always be the sun to my solar system, but it cannot be my biggest star right now.

After that decision, meetings with the professor twice weekly for tutoring, study groups and instructional videos, etc. all happened. I knew that getting the prerequisite grade for Organic Chemistry II was a long shot...I have yet to play the lottery for that reason. (Although before my general chemistry finals last year I would pray to multiple spiritual beings and I got the grade I needed to move on, I will have to try that the next time...?) At least this way no matter what happens, I will have completed the semester with no regrets. (It is not every day that you spend all your free time on a study abroad trip in Mexico on one class. So much so that your peers name you ‘Homework Kennedy,’

and once again “no regerts” (that snickers commercial is my motivation.) Even the professors on the trip and staff at the center felt bad for me.)

Through all this joining the turfies remained a top priority as I applied to many schools. I even applied to my top choice school that I had wanted to attend for several years, and got in. I was amazed that the same university which ‘ghosted me’ three years earlier (my admissions rep never emailed me back about going on a visit, talk about heartbreaking!) has now invited me to attend. YAY! However, this was not going to be easy. Out-of-State tuition and adding on years to a degree is not a small hurdle; this is more like a bar set that only an Olympic pole vaulter can achieve, and I am far from graceful.

So that leads us to today, with a bunch of notes for a class I will see in the fall at my liberal arts school. Do not get me wrong, I LOVE my Olivet College, but I am the only turfie. This makes it awfully lonely when you cannot have ‘turf talks’ without an introductory lecture beforehand.

This is part of the reason that I feel so behind. How can I be relevant to the world when I am far from the world? There are experiences in undergraduate turf programs that cannot be experienced otherwise. I cannot compete in turf bowl (I already looked it up) or attend turf club meetings as an ACTUAL student in the program (thanks Penn State Turf Club for making those zoom links public for a little bit. Can you bring those back?) I cannot even make the classroom lecture about turf without explaining first (although I still do it a lot.) So, then I wonder how far behind I will be in graduate school or how far from being the perfect candidate for that position I will be, and can I catch up in time? I feel as though I am missing out and have yet to catch up, which was one of my biggest worries.

Some people might have understood that and others not and that is perfectly fine either way. All I know is that I got through this semester and have more to look forward to in the coming year like working with Dr. Merewitz- Holm in her lab, volunteering for the Hoag Classic, working with Dr. Kerns in his lab, and whatever else comes along my way.

I am sure there is some life lesson in there that I learned (probably) but until then I will keep thinking of the Kelly Clarkson song ‘What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger’ (I hope you sang that off key like I did.)

At least going to the store with my friends is more fun!